There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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