if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
