So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
