Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
love makes seman taste better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
