meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
