He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
