Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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