theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
