This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
