I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
