On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
