he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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