Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
