just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
