Just fell off a train. Bad.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
