Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
