My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
