Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
