Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
