I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
