Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh god it's open bar.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
