So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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