I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think I just sharted jello shots
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
