im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
