Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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