i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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