I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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