He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
