the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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