Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Girls should come with a carfax report
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
