i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
