I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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