would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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