can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
