We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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