I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
