too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
