i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
