i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
soo... how was my night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
