i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
