Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
