im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
