i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
