Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
