Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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