He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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