i already hear my dad disowning me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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