I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
