Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
