i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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