Kiss
Puke
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
