remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
