Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
