if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
